Thursday, July 17, 2014

A few thoughts on dating...

                    


I have been single for 10 months now.  Since then, I have dated casually, but I have not dated seriously.  I hadn't been single in 8 years and guys, let me tell you, things sure have changed!!

A lot of my closest girlfriends have recently become single as well and we are all noticing the same things.  Here are a few of our observations:
  • Men don't call women anymore (seriously!?)
  • Men think it is ok to date you for a bit and then engage in what we call "the phase out" where they progressively just stop talking to you with no explanation (what's with that? a text saying "im just not that into you" would suffice!)
  • People hook up too quickly;
  • People don't go on real dates anymore;
  • Men date a lot of women at once and often think they can do better (ahem, Tinder); and,
  • Dating is really hard.
What I have come to learn is that men get away with all of this because we let them.  If we want more, we have to stop showing them that they can blow us off, phase us out, not make time for us and still have space in our lives.  

We have to believe we deserve more than this.  

Anyone else love the quotes section of pinterest?!

I am totally guilty of letting men do this to me and then blaming myself when it doesn't work out.  I think it is a symptom of insecurity.  I like to think I am a pretty confident woman, but I guess we all have our insecurities, right?

This article attributes it to the idea that women are told that they are not complete without a man.  This is probably true and I don't necessarily agree that it is wrong.  I like to think that someday I will meet "the one" that will complete me.  I also like to think that I can do that while still being confident and secure.  Maybe that is wishful thinking? I certainly am a hopeless romantic.

I don't know!  What do you guys think? What have you guys learned about dating?  Have you found some of this to be true in your dating life?

When in doubt, there are always soccer players to stare at!  ;)



5 comments:

  1. I am SO glad I'm out of the dating game for precisely this reason. My single friends have talked about exactly the same things you've mentioned here. I feel like the FOMO/"instant gratification" feeling that social media has instilled in us has bled into the dating world so people (i.e. guys) forget they have to actually make an effort and invest time getting to know someone before fading away and moving on to the next one. Despite that, I am still convinced there are gentlemen out there somewhere who know what dating and romance entails and actually value getting to know someone so I'll keep my fingers crossed for you! :)

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  2. Girlll I feel like you're reading my mind! I became single again at the age of 29 and it was a bit of a culture shock to say the least! I think it's a mixture of both. We allow them to treat us in certain ways, but I also think the change in society and social media plays a part in the way relationships are viewed and treated. Btw, are you accepting new members into your book club?!

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  3. yes people dont date anymore, it sucks and everyone is like lets hang out so there is the grey area until someone brings it up so are we dating or not and then it sucks when the other person was just wanting to hang out and you thought you were dating

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  4. I know this situation all too well. Before I met Scott I was in a 9 year relationship and had never really dated before that. So dating in my late 20's was a whole new world. Luckily, I had some good experiences in my single days and ti was fun for a bit. I met Scott and he was everything that I had ever wanted in a partner. Keep your head up girl and just enjoy it and have fun. And just remember when something doesn't feel right, just let it go. Only do what feels right to you.

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  5. Oh dear, I'm glad I don't have to play this game anymore! I'd probably be useless at it. I've been with Rich for nearly 5 years now so I have no idea what it's like out there. I wonder if it's different in England? Let's hope I dont find out!!! xx

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